the winter has passed

i've been trying to write about this for awhile, but i haven't been able to find the right words. it seems appropriate that on this, the first day of spring 2012, the words are forming themselves. finally. at long last...

spring came today. *sigh*

it is one of my favorite seasons...especially here.

mostly equal parts sunshine and rain.

the rainbow of blossoms bursting from the ground & opening along the branches.

so beautiful.

i could spend hours lying on a blanket under the shade of a tree...taking in the kaleidoscope of browns, blues, & greens.

delicious.

and yet, while often heart-stopping in their beauty, these things are not what i love most about spring. what i love most is that it marks the end of winter.

my "winter" began april 29th & ended exactly 4 months later. i was not well. God knew it and so did my dearest friends. i reached a breaking point and the Father asked me a question that i know i only said yes to because i was so desperate to be free. had i known that saying yes would bring so much pain, i might not have done it. He gave me a small picture of what it would be like on the other side and i said yes because i knew i could trust Him no matter what. can i just tell you how important that trust became? my heart was smashed and shattered into a thousand shards of glass and suddenly that picture became an "impossibility." but for His grace, i never would have made it through those 4 months. i would have given up. i would have quit. i would have run away. His kindness was unending. His love unrelenting and the women who walked through that space with me were greater gifts than they'll ever know. slowly, He began piecing my heart back together, fusing each shard perfectly into place. and then, just like the first crocus breaking through the snow, love broke through. my heart...well. my hope...restored. i would never want to go through a season like that again, but remember the picture He gave me before i said yes? well, i am living in it...only it is a thousand times more beautiful and amazing than what He showed me. isn't that just like Him? to do more than we can ask or think. He can't help Himself. He just loves me so much. and He keeps surprising me with more beauty that i didn't even ask for. just because He can. i love that.

so much goodness. i found myself ridiculously grateful for spring today.

winter has passed and everything is new. i am new.

nothing looks exactly the same as it did before. i don't look the same.

life is different. my life is different.

and it is unbelievably good.