i can hear it
slowly fading away
but trying hard
to fight
screaming for an outlet
finding none
a glimmer of hope
then reality
it can't be
not now
maybe not ever
or perhaps just not in the way i imagine
i find myself
letting go
again
wanting
wishing
hoping
BELIEVING
that God in His infinite perfection
understands
loves
KNOWS
and will be my outlet
always
and what i desire most
is to know
to really know
that HE is enough
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
fighting flesh
why is it so easy to want to change and yet so hard to actually do it? i have come so far in claiming victory over sin in my life, and there is always another temptation thrown in my face. i struggle with the fact that there is ever even an argument in my own head as to why i should choose sin over freedom. i clearly had a way out and what did i do? i gave in! does it mean i'm back where i started? no, but it certainly makes me feel like a wretched waste of God's time. i often wonder how long the Lord will offer me a way out...how many times He'll forgive me before His grace runs out...and i sometimes wonder if i will ever be fully free. my heart cries out - LORD FORGIVE ME! I NEED YOU! I CANNOT FIGHT THIS FIGHT ON MY OWN AND I NEED YOU EVERY MINUTE...TO STAND WITH ME AND BRING ME INTO COMPLETE FREEDOM. and in my heart, i know He hears and with new hope, i step forward, believing His desire for my freedom is even greater than my own. i sinned. i chose to bow to temptation instead of running from it. it was a moment of weakness that i will one day have to give an account for but it does not erase all that God has done. i am not my sin and i will not let it rule me. i am a beloved daughter of the King. a sinner saved by grace. purified. loved. accepted. and free.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
kids
Here are a couple of conversations that will stay with me forever:
Contextualizing the conversation: I was playing a Josh Groban CD for my students)
Me: Don't you just love his voice? I love his voice. I could MARRY him.
Girl: EWWWW!
Me: *quizical* Why is that gross? He's not married. I can marry him.
Girl: *Scrunches nose and shakes head*
Me: I can't marry him?
Girl: No. You can't get married.
Me: I can't get married?
Girl: No.
Me: Why can't I get married?
Girl: Because.
Me: Because, why?
Girl: Because *pauses to think* because you're not old enough to get married!
*This girl has just earned herself a spot on the "teacher's favorites " list.*
Contextualizing the conversation: I was working with a small group of students, helping them put together a "book" where they had to place a picture of a hen onto their page according to the preposition in the sentence (i.e.; across, around, under, etc.).
Me: So, where should we put Rosie?
Students: *pointing to the edge of the pond* Here!
Me: That's right. Can we put Rosie in the water?
Students: No!
Me: Who was in the water?
Students: The fox!
Me: That's right. Okay, go ahead and put Rosie onto your page.
Boy: *walks over with a sly grin and whispers* Teacher!
Me: What?
Boy: Teacher! I'm gonna poop Rosie in the water!
Me: *trying my best not to laugh* You're going to POOP Rosie?
Boy: *smiles, slaps himself in the head* no. i mean poot.
and then we all just started laughing for a good solid minute. yep. my students are hilarious :)
Contextualizing the conversation: I was playing a Josh Groban CD for my students)
Me: Don't you just love his voice? I love his voice. I could MARRY him.
Girl: EWWWW!
Me: *quizical* Why is that gross? He's not married. I can marry him.
Girl: *Scrunches nose and shakes head*
Me: I can't marry him?
Girl: No. You can't get married.
Me: I can't get married?
Girl: No.
Me: Why can't I get married?
Girl: Because.
Me: Because, why?
Girl: Because *pauses to think* because you're not old enough to get married!
*This girl has just earned herself a spot on the "teacher's favorites " list.*
Contextualizing the conversation: I was working with a small group of students, helping them put together a "book" where they had to place a picture of a hen onto their page according to the preposition in the sentence (i.e.; across, around, under, etc.).
Me: So, where should we put Rosie?
Students: *pointing to the edge of the pond* Here!
Me: That's right. Can we put Rosie in the water?
Students: No!
Me: Who was in the water?
Students: The fox!
Me: That's right. Okay, go ahead and put Rosie onto your page.
Boy: *walks over with a sly grin and whispers* Teacher!
Me: What?
Boy: Teacher! I'm gonna poop Rosie in the water!
Me: *trying my best not to laugh* You're going to POOP Rosie?
Boy: *smiles, slaps himself in the head* no. i mean poot.
and then we all just started laughing for a good solid minute. yep. my students are hilarious :)
from mushy brains
these last few days have been beautiful. sunny. warm. almost everything i miss about california...except the beach. i still definitely miss the beach.
i was going to take a little nap this afternoon - i still might - because i've been so tired lately. teaching all week + coaching 3 days + training 3 days = one super tired girl...and that doesn't even count whatever i do after work and swim practice. sheesh. i need to find some equilibrium somewhere. do you know where i can buy that?
i love being part of a s.o.t. class...even though i have to leave early every week...it's good that they record each class because then i can catch the last 15 minutes during the week.
i met a man who looked like he could be the long lost twin brother of my friend aaron. it was very weird. not weird bad, just weird.
i like typing in lowercase letters. it most likely has to do with the fact that all week long i teach kids how to write "well" and so when it's my turn to write, i like to just type and not think about whether my sentence started with a capital letter or that my "i's" were capitalized whenever they were "standing alone." someone once told me they thought i was angry because i sent an e-mail that didn't have any capital letters or punctuation, which i thought was funny...because in my own mind, if i were angry, my e-mails might look more like THIS.
i'm falling asleep while typing. this is not a good sign. i need a nap, for sure.
i'm taking kevin up on his recommendation to read john 14-17 in one sitting for an entire week. i'm going to go start right now...who knows, maybe it will inspire more blogging since i've been absent for awhile.
i was going to take a little nap this afternoon - i still might - because i've been so tired lately. teaching all week + coaching 3 days + training 3 days = one super tired girl...and that doesn't even count whatever i do after work and swim practice. sheesh. i need to find some equilibrium somewhere. do you know where i can buy that?
i love being part of a s.o.t. class...even though i have to leave early every week...it's good that they record each class because then i can catch the last 15 minutes during the week.
i met a man who looked like he could be the long lost twin brother of my friend aaron. it was very weird. not weird bad, just weird.
i like typing in lowercase letters. it most likely has to do with the fact that all week long i teach kids how to write "well" and so when it's my turn to write, i like to just type and not think about whether my sentence started with a capital letter or that my "i's" were capitalized whenever they were "standing alone." someone once told me they thought i was angry because i sent an e-mail that didn't have any capital letters or punctuation, which i thought was funny...because in my own mind, if i were angry, my e-mails might look more like THIS.
i'm falling asleep while typing. this is not a good sign. i need a nap, for sure.
i'm taking kevin up on his recommendation to read john 14-17 in one sitting for an entire week. i'm going to go start right now...who knows, maybe it will inspire more blogging since i've been absent for awhile.
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