the waiting

when i quit my job at washington, i had little idea what was next. i knew i was going to finish the year with joy and to the very best of my ability. i knew i would go to worship school for 3 and half weeks in redding. after that, only God knew. i can't explain it very well and there may be some who have less than favorable opinions toward me now, but it just doesn't matter...because it isn't about them. the decisions i've made over the last 5 months have been carefully prayed over. i have sought counsel from those in my life whom i consider to be both wise and honest. every step of the way i have asked God what He wanted and i have been open to whatever He asked. this is certainly no exception. without going into every detail, these past two months have been an incredible journey with Jesus. my mind has been stretched and my heart has been awakened to the depth and breadth of God's love for me. He has given me a greater understanding of my identity as His daughter and He has given me an overwhelming peace about the unknown. i love that i have no idea the shape my life is going to take. He has increased my passion for worship by about a gazillion :) and in the midst of reminding me that my dreams have not been forgotten, He has given me glimpses of new dreams...or perhaps a new perspective on the dreams that have been hidden inside my heart for a long time. either way, it's been so fun.

i applied for a teaching job last week...at a christian school...in my hometown. i doubt anyone was more surprised than me because 3 months ago i would have laughed at the very thought. i thought i was supposed to leave teaching...perhaps for good. i never wanted to move back to my hometown. i never felt called to teach in christian school. what a difference a surrendered heart makes. i've questioned whether i should teach again...doubted myself...but i really believe God is leading me on this. i get more excited about it with each passing minute. my stomach has been doing flip-flops since just before my interview yesterday. the reason i'm so excited? this may be the very beginning of pursuing a hidden dream that has exploded in my heart over the past few weeks. i know He'll make His way clear and i'm not worried about it. i felt like i faced one of those "doubters" yesterday and it intimidated me...but only for a moment...because the Lord was quick to remind me that He's been in control from the very beginning and all i have to do is trust and be obedient. whether i get the job or not, i know i've been faithful and He'll honor that...because He loves me. for those who wonder, i'm still dreaming in worship...i'm planning to do an online worship school this fall and trusting God's timing for the release and revelation of the shape it's all going to take. the fun part about being on this adventure in God is the unknown of it all, because it allows me to grow deeper in love and in faith. it is so SO good :)

caught

today has been an amazing testimony of His perfect timing. my parents have had their house on the market since december. it's now the end of july. several people have seen the house, but noone had made an offer...yet. i went for a walk with my mom on sunday and she told me that my parents would be flying up to alaska to meet with a property management company to talk about renting the house out since it hasn't sold yet and is just sitting there empty. we have all been praying and believing that God has a perfect plan and a perfect time for the house to be sold. yesterday, my parents received an offer! a CASH offer and the buyers wanted to close by the end of the month! we were thrilled, but the offer was low. my parents did some number crunching and countered this morning. the realtor seemed confident the buyers would accept my parents' counter-offer. the buyers countered back. my parents asked the realtor to go back with the same price they had countered with earlier in the morning and state it was the FIRM price on the house. waiting. then, the realtor called my mom and said the woman was coming over in the afternoon to sign my parents' final offer!!! WHAT?! yep. sold. they close on the house at the end of next week. a house that has been on the market for 7 months gets sold in less than 24 hours...and that isn't even the best part. my mom had been thinking earlier in the week about this trip to alaska...knowing it would be her last...and feeling slightly disappointed that this trip wouldn't be to close on their house. but look what God did! not only is the house finally going to sell, but my mom gets to sign the papers while she's in Alaska. how completely perfect and awesome is God's timing?! i feel caught in a flood of His blessing for this (and other things which i'll blog about later) and it's incredible. oh how He loves.

unexpected

do you ever wonder if He just smiles?
He does.
i don't think i ever imagined my dreams taking these turns, but there is something really thrilling about the unknown of it all.
i'm entertaining ideas i never thought i would...and maybe that's the point.
stretching.
growing.
becoming who i was meant to be.
i don't think it ever takes the shape we think it will. and when the dust settles, i am always so glad His imagination is bigger than my own.

swirling.
swelling.
anticipating.
anxious.
overwhelmed.
confused.
the bubble is gone.
what now?
for half a second, i forgot.
so many roads
leading so many places
maybe right
maybe not
but i can't forget
i won't forget
this isn't just my adventure
it's ours
i can't wait to see where we're going
surprise me
i trust you. always.