belonging

it's a gift to be invited. to be welcomed. to be asked to participate.

why, then, do we waste it?

how long will we give away our joy because we'd rather believe a lie than the truth?

i feel angry and sad and sick to my stomach all at the same time.

i'm still working my way out of brokenness, but look forward to the day that i am on the other side and can see the beauty in even the most painful place.

know why?

because it means i will hold onto my joy for dear life and i won't waste the gift ever again. ever.

.summer.

what took you so long?
with your warmth
and freedom
and light
stay awhile longer

a better picture

it occurred to me today that i've been allowing outside influences or rather, other people's unrealistic expectations of me, to dictate my actions. it's kind of a long story, and not worth detailing, but the point is...i love people. all people. i dislike rude and mean people, but i love them. i love serving others and meeting their needs and i'm really good at it most of the time. i have bad days. i make mistakes. i'm human. buy i also have something that not everyone has. Christ in me...the Hope of Glory. and because of that, i can move forward even when i've messed up...and i can be better than i was yesterday or last week or whatever. i am not defined by my work or my service, but those things are part of the picture i give of The Father. and the picture i want people to see always, is Love and Grace. will i succeed 100% of the time? not even on my best day. but this new perspective is certainly going to help make things easier for me. and so will remembering this: i am awesome. i am loved. i am going to do great things. :)

go and bid!!

if you haven't already heard via e-mail or facebook, the Rogers' passed court and are looking to travel to ethiopia later this month to bring their daughter home! :) it's an exciting time and in the midst of it all, we've been working on a final fundraiser to bring in the rest of the money they'll need to cover travel expenses. a team of incredible people spent several weeks soliciting donations from local...and not so local...businesses for an online auction. there are 70 items that were generously donated to this auction and i'm certain if you go and take a look, you'll find at least one item worth bidding on. what's great, though, is that if you don't want to bid on anything, there is a direct link on the site which allows you to donate (tax-deductible) to this incredible family!

if nothing else, i say go visit the site to have your mind blown by the generosity of so many people...many of whom have never even met the Rogers'! :)

the auction runs from now until june 13th so go now and start bidding!!
http://bringinglovehome.com

loves!

not quite like i planned

so it turns out one can get out of shape way more quickly than one might realize. first run lasted all of 4 minutes. yikes. spent the next hour and 10 walking, so i'm still glad i went, but geez! i have got to get myself into shape if i think i'm running a half in september. :p

first run

in a little more than one hour i will be taking my first run since the half marathon...nearly two months ago...
and i. can't. wait. :)

day 3 of 9.
i can't keep up.
whose idea was this?
must pay more attention.
and be willing to say no.
balancing need feels more like a juggling act.
and so i try again.
because somewhere there is grace.
enough for one more day.
sleep.
breathe.
trust.

the results are in...

I've been dying to write this blog post...and I have not had the time until now. I'm actually at the Balch Hotel right now...working...but Samantha was kind enough to put it on my list of "projects" for the evening! So now that our guests have their warm and gooey chocolate chip cookies, I'm free to sit and tell you the awesome news!

All the money is finally in, and I can tell you that I was able to raise $1400.00 for the Rogers' family adoption!! That is more than $100 per mile! I still tear up when I think about the people who contributed, some of whom I've never met and most of whom have never met the Rogers' family. I am blessed beyond words at your kind and generous hearts and I pray the Lord will bless you richly for your generosity.

It has been an amazing experience and I could not have done it without so many folks cheering me on...or without the incredible GRACE that God gave me to do something so completely outside of myself. I can't believe it's been almost a month since I completed my first half-marathon. Pretty amazing. I still feel so proud of myself for finishing, and my legs cannot wait to start running again! Seriously. Did I tell you? I'm planning to run another half in September. :) Yep. This is not a belated April fool's joke. It's totally going to happen :). You're welcome to keep up with me through this blog. I'll post about my training...and my life...from time to time...but for now, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! For loving, supporting, and praying for me and for the Rogers' family. We are all unbelievable grateful. :)

P.S. For those keeping tabs on the Rogers' through this blog, they have now moved up to #4 on the waiting list. A recent change in adoption regulations means they will have to take two trips to Ethiopia which has added an additional $4,600 to their expenses. Please pray for God's continued provision and go to: http://bringinglovehome.blogspot.com to read more about their journey. For you coffee drinkers out there, they have an online coffee storefront where you can purchase fabulous coffee and a portion of the proceeds goes toward their adoption expenses. :)

i can't wait to see your face

I can't believe I did it. But I did. :) The experience was fantastic. The running, not my favorite...but you knew that anyway! I had to be on the bus at 4am...that's 1am in "the hood"...and when I got there, the line was super long. I met some wonderful ladies from a Ft. Lauderdale running/walking club. They were kind enough to let me tag along and two of them were in the same group I started with. There were soooooooooooo many women...and quite a few men as well...and most everyone was dressed in some kind of princess garb. Fireworks went off at the beginning of each running/walking group. The ladies from Ft. Lauderdale walked, but were sure to give me hugs before I ran away ;).
The run itself was harder than I expected it to be and I was thankful for the training I'd done in some of the hillier places. There were Disney characters positioned throughout the course which made for many photo opps along the way :) I decided that I wanted to enjoy the experience instead of worry about finishing in a certain amount of time...which was good since I'm a sucker for a photograph ;). I am unbelievably thankful for the prayers and encouragement of all my dear friends and family. My back only bothered me once which is a complete testament to your prayers for God's grace over me as I ran. I walked for a short time (less than .10 of a mile) somewhere between mile 10 and mile 11, because I was really tired. I was frustrated and I definitely felt like quitting. But in His mercy, Jesus came for me, as He always does and I was able to start running again. The last mile and a quarter felt like the longest mile and a quarter in my life, but I was definitely not willing to stop that close to the end. :)
So it's over. After some 3 hours 11 minutes and 17 seconds, I crossed the finish line. I feel so blessed to have made it to this point...and I'll be wearing my medal around for awhile ;). I ran the race and can't wait to get home to hug all the people who were praying for me...and if you're someone who prayed for me that I can't hug right away, know that I love you and am hugging you in my heart! I'll post an update from home with the final amount I'll be giving to the Rogers' for their adoption. I can tell you with certainty it's up to 4 figures :) and that...makes me very very excited!

one week

seven days. well, eight, i suppose. if you're counting today. i can't believe it's nearly here. all the training. next sunday is the day that i run for the rogers'. 13.1 miles. a distance that three months ago i was very unsure i could do. now, a week away, i'm sure i can do it and that feels pretty exciting :). please pray for my back and knees to remain strong and for my overall health. there are a whole lot of germs making their way around and i'm doing my best to avoid them. wednesday i'll fly...but i already have butterflies, both the excited and nervous kind...and then i'll spend a couple of days getting used to the climate. looking forward to sun...maybe i'll get a tan ;)...and mostly just relaxing. all that time with Jesus will do me some serious good :).

i ran 8 miles today. maintained a decent pace and the sun came out for a little bit...which was awesome :). and so begins the taper...

12.02 miles. 2:43.20.
un.
be.
lievable.
i am overwhelmed at the goodness of God and His grace over my life.
i am sore. i am tired. but i am so full of love and gratitude for how far He has taken me.
twelve weeks ago, i could barely run 3 miles.
four weeks from today, i'll be at disneyworld...celebrating the completion of 13.1 miles...and...quite possibly...shortly after i return...i'll be celebrating the arrival of a sweet baby girl from the other side of the world.
i cannot contain my joy :)

please continue praying for me, for the rogers' and for their daughter. if you want to donate, please let me know! :)

i forgot to post about my 9 mile run...and guess what? it's been long enough that i can happily tell you i ran 10 miles on Saturday :). it was a beautiful day...perfect temperature and only a few clouds...it may have even spit on me at one point, i can't really remember. normally i do my long run on sundays, but the weather was too good to pass up. good thing, too...because shortly after returning from our worship gathering yesterday, it started to sleet...and eventually turned to snow. that would have been one miserable 10 miles. i'm so glad God knew i'd need the sunshine on saturday and i'm so glad i actually had a free saturday to run! i finished in 2:17.29 which is a pretty good pace. i stopped twice to stretch my back because the repeated pounding of my legs onto the pavement made me feel like i was pushing my hips up into my back. the only probably with stopping when you're running 10 miles, is that when you start running again, your legs feel like lead. it probably wouldn't be so bad if i walked while i stretched, but the thing about this goal is that i don't want to walk even a step of those 13.1 miles. so i stop, stop my watch, stretch, then start running again. it may not be the most conventional way to run a long distance, but it's my distance to run and i'm the boss of me :) so, for now, that's how i'll do it if i decide i need to stop. the encouraging thing about my 10 miles, besides the fact that i actually ran all 10 miles, is that i maintained a pace of almost 30 seconds faster than when i ran my 9 mile race. helped me figure out some things about my body and how it relates to running. when i ran the 9, i was extremely tired before i even started because i hadn't had much sleep the 2 days prior. it also rained for the last probably 5 miles which just made me feel cold. and it was dark before i finished. i don't run in the dark. i don't like it. not at all. so, i figured out that i definitely need to be well-rested before attempting a run of any distance, but especially those longer ones...otherwise, i'm toast. :) on the agenda this week: a 3 mile, a couple of 4 milers, and 11 miles on sunday. sweet.

p.s. for those wondering...i still don't like running.

8 MILES!!!!
i can't even believe it. :)
it took me a couple of hours for it to sink in once i'd finished.
i was in a daze...but i have so many encouragers in my life and they all helped me snap out of it :).
it's funny.
whenever i run on the road, i feel like i am going SOOOO slowly. i have a burst of "speed" - if you can call it that - every once in a while, and then i settle back into my pace. at the end of the run, when i press stop on my watch and finally have the energy in my brain to roughly calculate everything...i realize, i ran faster than i felt. then, when i punch it into my running log online and see the numbers in front of me...i am ALWAYS blown away at how fast i actually ran. bear in mind, i'm no olympian...but for an asthmatic, non-runner to maintain a pace of around 13.5min/mile over a distance of 8 miles...that's amazing.
that's God for you. :) making me laugh. meeting me on the road. and moving me forward. i'm starting to see the goal and it's not nearly as scary as i thought :).

i'm still light years away from getting all my funds raised, but i'm trying not to be discouraged because i know the money is out there and i know that God is going to move the right hearts to give...and i'm so excited to see how the givers get blessed for their generosity :)

p.s. bob and cheri are now #12 on the waiting list!! woot!

i ran my fastest 3-miler yesterday :)
:36.05
tomorrow is 8 miles
sweet.

on the mend

my back wasn't bothering me as much today, so I walked a little less than 4 miles. it wasn't the 7 mile run i was supposed to do, but it felt good to go and kind of feel things out a bit. tomorrow i'm going to try the elliptical and i'll hopefully be back to running on wednesday. God knows. i don't. but i trust Him completely no matter what.

postponed

the first run of 2010 hasn't happened yet. yesterday, january 1st, 2010, i tweaked my back...whilst shoveling a bit of snow just before driving to the gym for a quick 3 miles. no run yesterday. maybe no 7 miles tomorrow. this is not good. probably i'll still be able to train, but i'll keep you posted. please pray.