11 years is a long time

heart pouding. stomach churning. head spinning. emotions i haven't felt in a long time...about 11 years, actually. i still can't believe i did it...but i'm glad i did...at least...i think i'm glad. somewhere between joining the team and finally getting into a regular practice schedule, i decided to race again. i'm in better shape than i have been, but definitely not in the kind of shape i was in 11 years ago. competing against myself is easier than trying to compete against kids half my age, but honestly, it's just as scary. it's constantly reminding myself that i'm not going to be as fast as i was 11 years ago and it's giving myself permission to be who i am now. i did my best. i survived. i even placed in a couple of my events. i'll probably race again...because despite how frustrating it is to get killed by kids half my age...it was kind of fun getting in there again. i'm not as young as used to be...my body has been reminding me of that since yesterday...but i'm pretty sure i'm addicted. :)