"There comes a moment each day when we must simply drop what weighs on us and hand it over to God." - Christoph Blumhardt (19th Century Pastor)
Today is one of those times. These past couple of weeks I have simly been "gettng by." It's not really in my nature to be sad or blue or maybe the word is melancholy and honestly, I have SO much to be thankful for. Even with my mom's cancer I have seen God's faithfulness. She's feeling good and God is providing for my parents...and yet, there is a sadness that I feel. I can't pinpoint the source...but I've been sitting here in the brickhouse for the past couple of hours and I've been tapping into THE SOURCE. Reading different passages of scripture and trying to unload all that I've been feeling. Thank goodness my relationship with Jesus isn't based on feelings because my feelings would say I'm not doing very well...but whenever people have asked me how I'm doing...I've been saying that I'm good...which I am...I love teaching, I have a place to live, I just got back from spending Thanksgiving with my awesome sister and her amazing husband...so what's the deal? Why the sadness...blue-ness...unsettled feeling? I was at a wedding yesterday, watching two people that I love begin a new and beautiful season as husband and wife. I LOVE weddings...especially when God wrote the story...and even then, when there is so much to be joyful about, I was feeling kind of off...maybe it was just being tired from my stupid-early (that's really early for those who don't like the word stupid) flight back from Oregon...but there is a restlessness inside of me that I cannot explain. Today in our worship gathering I could barely sing...ME...for whom singing is one of my greatest joys and most favorite ways to worship Jesus...I was nearly silent...and oh the tears that wouldn't stop. God was meeting me in those moments...reminding me that the joys, struggles, and hurts over these past months have all had purpose in teaching me to trust Jesus more than ever and in making me realize that I really am weak without His strength. Right now, in this moment, I feel hopeful that as I drop the things that weigh so heavily on me...God will take them. We sang a song this morning - okay, well I didn't really sing it, but I was screaming it inside my head and my heart.
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for finding me
Thank you for hearing me
Thank you for healing me
Thank you for saving me
God, thank you that you love, find, hear, heal, and save me every day...even when I feel like the world is spinning way to fast and I want to get off the ride. You are good, your love endures forever, and I will put my hope in you.
