first day = good...stressful...tiring...and confusing. the stress was mainly caused by stuff at the apartment which is under control for the time being. the tiring and confusing parts were related to the schedules at school which were not well-planned because they're trying something new this year. great. i love being part of the "guinea pig" group ;).
so...a little known fact about me: though i'm a pretty big butterfly - in the social sense - large groups of people make me clam up like a stuffed moose. 274 worshippers all together in the same room is both amazing and intimidating all at the same time...and what i realized today is that in order to experience the presence of God the way i really want to...the way i think He wants me to...i have to get out of my own way. i was so distracted today. worried about what other people might think about me...and wanting to be fully present with Jesus the way that others seemed to be. jenn said something really important today: "the world needs you to be you. people can't be who they are completely, unless you are completely you. be you, be real, be uncovered." what i know is that i can't be who i am completely unless i learn how to just sit and soak in God's presence without being distracted by myself or others. bill asked everyone to consider the question: "are you a worshipper when noone is watching?" i'd say that i am...sometimes. what i'm here for...to learn to be a worshipper all the time...especially when noone is watching. as jenn put it - "to lean into God in every spontaneous moment where he tugs on my heart." because you know what'll happen then? i'll be in His presence and in those moments He will begin to show me more of who i am in Him and how He wants me to use my giftings for His glory...and that will be so completely amazing. that's all i want...to be in the very center of His dreams for my life.
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