mathematical impossibilities

one of my best friends is a mathematical genius. seriously. and i am not. but just for fun, i want to tell you about mathematical impossibilities. if you look at the numbers, my expenses exceed my income by nearly $250 every month. if you look at the numbers, it is mathematically impossible for me to pay my bills every month...and i can forget about doing anything extra. that's even with government assistance for food and a deferment on my school loans. all the math says it's impossible.

do you want to know something amazing? every month, i pay my bills. on time. once in awhile i do a small something extra. there is always enough. sometimes more than enough. do you know why? because nearly 18 months ago i said YES. God asked me to quit teaching full time and to trust Him to take care of me if i left the security of full-time employment (with benefits). He has never failed me. He gave me a job and then two. He gave me a place to live and then another. He has provided. that's amazing.

there are moments when i hear: it would have been so much easier if you'd stayed in the classroom. and sometimesi believe that lie. sometimes...like when i'm staring down a nearly $3100 tax bill...i question why i ever left. and in His grace, the Father reminds me why i did. because He asked me to. the truth is, i would do anything for Him. this past year and a half has been one of the most emotionally and spiritually challenging seasons in my life. i cannot think of another time where i have been so broken. but i would not trade it for anything. do you know why? because for the first time in my whole life i am FREE. completely free to be who i was made to be and to live the life i was created for. my freedom is everything. it is worth every tear. it is worth every heartache. it is worth every failure. saying YES was one of the scariest moments, but He has never let go and He keeps coming for me. it is so so good.